IELTSのライティング添削で、初めてバンド7をもらいました。また、Task Responseで前回と同じくバンド8をもらいました。
H. Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

Many people currently communicate with others differently compared to the past due to the development of technology. While admitting the positive development that easy and quick exchange of messages can make relationships more intimate, this essay argues that such types of instant communication might hurt people’s feelings and work in a very negative way due to the lack of deliberation and other elements.

On the one hand, the development of technology has improved our ways of communication. We can text someone at any time and place. In the past, when a friend was living in a far distant place, it was quite difficult to frequently get in touch with him or her, but now we can utilize email to exchange messages easily. This type of frequent exchange of messages could increase the intimacy between people. For example, Ms. Keiko Yamamoto, living in Kanagawa, recently married Mr. Bret Clancy who is living in London. Very surprisingly, they had never met each other in person before they decided to marry. They met on the internet and deepened their relationship just by exchanging emails. However, this type of “instant” communication could work in reverse and hurt people’s feelings.

On the other hand, communication through electronic devices might ruin mutual relations due to the lack of deliberation and other important elements. Since messages can be easily sent at any moment, we tend to send them without carefully checking them. Furthermore, digital messages like emails cannot transfer important factors such as tone of voice, facial expression, or body language. In some cases, misunderstandings can be accelerated by impulsive responses by mail. A research team at the University of Alberta recently released a report claiming that couples who exchange information by text more frequently than the average couple, tend to break up easier. This proves that the biggest advantage of easy communication tends to work in reverse.

In conclusion, while advanced information technology has made the communication easier and quicker, the negative side of this, hurting people’s feelings might be more harmful than good.


IELTSのライティングの添削は7回目になりましたが(毎週土曜日に提出しています)、今回Task Response(問われていることに対しきちんとロジカルに論じているか)の項が初めてバンド8と評価されました。まあ、全体は6.5ですが、これは私の語彙レベルとか文法レベルの問題でこれ以上はそう簡単にはスコアは上げられないです。ただ、Task Responseは非ネイティブとしてはまあ十分だと思います。今回これでいい評価になったのは、今回7回目で、問題が一巡して同じパターンの問題が出たので、前回の同じパターンの模範解答を参照して、ほぼそれと同じ構成で書いたからです。以下が問題と解答です。添削した後のものです。(語数:305)


G. In many countries, the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

The governments of many nations in the world set economic development targets above all other targets. While such a policy may accelerate the destruction of the environment, this essay argues that it can improve the standard of living of people and that overrides the demerit.

One of the main drawbacks is that rapid economic growth is often accompanied by the destruction of the environment. In order to build necessary infrastructure, trees are cut down, seas are reclaimed, and mountains are excavated. An increase in the number of factories may cause serious pollution of air, water, and of soil. While Japan’s growth in Gross National Product (GNP) increased by a factor of 7.6 from 1954 to 1973, the number of complaints about pollution also jumped from 235 to 3,567 during that period. However, this essay insists that economic growth gives people better lives and it can offset the disadvantage.

The main benefit of economic growth for people in a country is that it can surely improve their standard of living. Economic expansion brings more profits to companies in the country so that they can pay higher wages to their employees. Due to increased income, people can live in better residences, eat more nutritious food, and enjoy some hobbies. The overall improvement of life can cause expanded longevity and a decreased death rate. For example, while Indonesia showed an average 6% economic growth from 1991 to 2005, the infant death rate decreased from 6.8% to 3.4% during the same period. This can dramatically improve the satisfaction of people and any government should take this seriously above all else.

To conclude, the main disadvantage for a country of prioritizing economic growth is the destruction of the environment. However, this essay insists that economic development gives people better lives and satisfaction so that the disadvantage can be overridden.






ライティングの2番目のエッセイ(この名前が勘違いの元で、短論文です)については、問題は3パターンあって、 (1)ディスカッション(ある人は…と主張し、別の人はそれは正しくないと主張しています。あなたはどちらの考えかを書きなさい、という問題)(2)アーギュメント(ある意見に対して賛成か反対かを述べる問題)(3)2つの質問に答えるもの(ある事象の原因は何か、それを解決するにはどうしたらいいか、のように2つの問いに答えるもの)






問題なのは、この試験は本来の意味の英語のライティングとしては、かなり特殊だということです。はっきり言ってビジネスの世界でこのような文章を書くことは、法律事務所とかだったら分かりませんが、一般的にほとんどないでしょうし、またアメリカではこういうスタイルのもって回った論述よりまず結論を出し、具体例を最初から出していく方が好まれ、このスタイルが汎用性があるとは言えないことです。つまり、これはエリン・メイヤーがCultural Mapで述べている欧州の人が好きな原理原則から演繹していくのに近いスタイルです。